God in Pain

in Thoughts  by Jinha Kim 2 comments

A few weeks ago, Joshua had an adenoidectomy, a surgery to remove the adenoids behind his nose.  The Ear Nose & Throat specialist recommended it because in 2.5 years Joshua never slept well;  he usually woke up 1-10 times a night, crying and struggling to breathe.

The surgery itself only took 20 minutes, but he had to undergo general anaesthesia.  When he woke up, he was surrounded by strangers and under the effect of the drugs, so he must have panicked. When the nurses paged me that he was awake, I could hear his screams down the hallway as I raced to him.  

Even though he saw me, he was extremely distressed.  He kept screaming, “No!” and writhed out of my arms uncontrollably, crazy-eyed.  He tried to rip off the needle taped into his hand and somehow got out of his hospital gown.  Three nurses and I could not control him.  He crawled behind a couch and sobbed there in a fetal position, refusing to come to me.  It was heartbreaking.

I tried to reassure him, tried to offer juice or ice cream, tried to cuddle him, but he was still hysterical.  Eventually, he calmed down and within the next hour was his happy self again, thanking the nurses and waving goodbye.

But that hour when my child was so distraught yet refusing my help was one of the most difficult hours of my life.  I cried at the hospital and again when I got home, in relief.  

It made me understand in a very small way the enormous pain of God.  How much it must rip His heart to see His children in pain and fear as a result of living in the long but necessary recovery period from the surgery of sin removal from the world. How much it must make Him cry to see His children pushing Him away, screaming at Him and others who are trying to comfort and explain.  How much it must distress Him to have to wait for the side effects of the plan of salvation to take their course until we can be whole, until we understand that He paid the price because He loves us.

But in the end, it will be worth it for us and for God.

After a few days of recovery, Joshua slept through the night for a whole week, a miracle for our family. It was wonderful to wake up to his “Good morning” smiles and cuddles instead of the 2 am, 5 am-crying and gasping for breath.

And so despite how I feel today, I still hope for the future, when “the Sun of Righteousness shall arise with healing in His wings” (Micah 4:2) and we can at last run into His arms and be at peace.

by: Jinha Kim

"But those who drink the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14